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When attraction is involved people do ridiculous things, this tale begins with a grumble…

I have a 40 minute commute to my job… while driving, I yell at other cars, blast music, try to memorize the lyrics to James Bond theme songs, and drink old remnants of soda left over from previous treks. These actions can take a lot out of a girl, and during this particular trip I found myself to be rather hungry when entering my destination location. Normally, I let the grumble slide and continue on my way to the college, not this day. I had some extra time and decided to take a detour to the 7-eleven for some snackage.

Since, I don’t really have a need for slurpies or cheese infused hot dogs anymore, the whole 7-eleven experience transported me back to being 15 and awkward. Feeling uncomfortable, I shuffled around the store looking for a quick bag of chips, and some form of caffeinated soda. Balancing my goods in one arm, I found myself in line behind two incredibly high quasi-teens. I say “quasi” because those fool could have been my age, but they dressed and giggled like 17 year olds, so therefore they get lumped with adolescents. Behind me a ridiculously drunk red faced dude stood wobbly while he clutched a 12 pack of Natural Ice, a fine brewed beverage. As I waited in line I noticed that 7-eleven had a new mascot: Domo.

I figured the fumes from my surrounding substances were effecting my sight, because… well, it’s weird. It’s weird on two levels: 1. Look at him. 2. He’s a Japanese icon. As I sat and stared at the various Domos staring blankly back at me from the register, a voice came wafting into my sub-conscious, “Is this the end of the line?” This snapped me out of my booze-weed-Domo trance, because the question was so… stupid.

There were four people in line, I was very clearly in the middle of the line.

I looked to my left and saw a slightly older gentleman wearing an apron. He clutched in one hand a new pack of toilet paper, and in the other an empty roll. This was strange, because you normally don’t need the empty roll to determine which type of toilet paper to buy. “Hmmmm… do I use one ply or two? Damn! I should have brought that empty roll with me to the store!” Obviously, my blank expression wasn’t enough of an answer for Mr. Toilet Paper, so I calmly replied with, “Nope,” and motioned to the wobbly drunk guy behind me. To end the conversation I directed my attention back to the marble eyed Domos at the register. Not deterred, the older gentleman shifted a little, and said, “Well, I wish this was the end of the line,” and just in case I was thick, he thought it proper to add, “because you’re standing here,” as a one-two punch to seal the deal. I gave a comically loud sigh, rolled my eyes back to Mr. Toilet Paper, smiled and said, “oh… I have a boyfriend,” which is my usual response, nevermind if the mentioned B.F. is real or imaginary. Keeping his cool, he said, “Ah, I see… you’re a loyal one,” and sauntered to the end of the line.

As I got into my car, and continued to work, I couldn’t help but think, “What the hell was that?!”

I’ve noticed there are some routine exclamations I’ve received upon telling someone new of my profession. The majority of the time people get excited because they think the job is pretty cool, even though they don’t have the foggiest idea of what I do, “I mean… it must be so great to just sit around and read books all day!”

Honestly, before I became a librarian, I’d never really met one. Sure I had spent a major amount of time in libraries and smiled back when a librarian would smile at my tiny baby hands as I took my picture/easy reading book home for the night. I also thanked many of my school librarians profusely for help on reports and such- but never so much said more say… 4 complete sentences to them. It took until college for me to actually share a work space with librarians, but they mostly remained shady figures in the background, because my direct supervisors were Library Assistants. Even now, it’s pretty rare to meet a librarian outside of my work friends, and the few that I’ve ahem*ahem possibly influenced to get involved in the master’s program. When actually meeting-meeting people, I  usually get the routine answer, “oh, I’m in systems-management processing yadda yadda woomp woomp, ” so honestly, I too am in shock when I meet a complete stranger librarian outside of the library world. I don’t mind the excitement… it reminds me that my job is still pretty rare- even though it’s increasingly becoming hip.

I also get the obligatory, “I didn’t know librarians were so hot, blah di blah blah” from skeezy dudes hitting on me. Which is stupid, because I don’t know how to respond. “Thanks,” would imply that my co workers are ugly hag-bags, and “Actually, Librarianship is a legitimate career… with men in it. True, single women over a certain age were banished to these jobs early in our history- as a way for a spinster to earn a living, but in our information rich age, librarianship has become an integral part of our society,” sounds like I have a stick tucked gently up my anus. Neither of which I would like to convey… so I go with the shy giggle, look down, and a very humble, “ohhhhh… coomme onnnn…” which is getting really old fast.

Yet, there is one comment which has become the ultimate thorn in my Information Science side, “Oh you’re a librarian? Well, don’t hate me but I have about 3 books from the library that I haven’t returned in almost 10 years!” Lets gets this straight, I’m not a priest and this isn’t a confessional. Plus, what am I supposed to do? Wave my book related wand, and free you of all fines you still haven’t paid? Nope. When I was a wee-little librarian, just out of school, I would get these comments and shrug them off. They were annoying, but I didn’t give a mouse’s fart what you stole from your local library. Now, is a different story… I spend hours during my day reading the driest of dry library journals, pouring over book reviews, consulting our library catalog, and trying to get a hold of other faculty member so I can pick appropriate books to satisfy my student population. When we get the books, we have to process them, tag them, and catalog them. Then we double check everything, enter it into our system, and finally shelve the suckers. Needless to say, it’s a long ass process. Like the nerd that I am, I get excited when these carefully picked books arrive, and like the mother hen I’m turning into, I love it when a student checks them out. Unfortunately, people are assholes and steal them. We all know stealing is bad, but people do it. Sure stick it to the man, kick consumerism in the ass, screw all capitalist bastards! But the library? I mean… it’s already free… you’re just basically ruining it for other people. Let’s say I had a plate of brownies that I was giving away. You take one, eat it and decide that they are so delicious, that you want more. So you take the whole damn plate, but just leave it on your coffee table at home in a glass jar. No one else gets a free brownie. That right… You are a jerk. If you use the excuse of never getting around to returning it to the library, then you are lazy. Lastly, if you use the excuse of not being able to pay the fines, then you are cheap, because… really… it’s never more than 25 cents per day.  So by stating to me you have some over due books at home, you are basically telling me that you are a lazy cheap jerk, and don’t really give a shit about what I do for a living.

Of recent, I’ve taken to responding to this comment with, “Then take them back, you ass.” Which promptly stops conversation, because people can handle insulting, but can’t handle insults.

Please go away.

First of all, I truly do not want to be discussing this right now, but with all the damn media coverage on you and Rihanna, I feel compelled to send my little two bits of energy out into the world. Hopefully, it will build up enough steam and turn into a boulder that smashed into your thick head.

Really, C.B. - GO AWAY.

There is absolutely no excuse for a man to lay a hand on a woman… and we all saw the picture. That was a beating. A beating takes anger, supreme, out of control, animalistic rage. To do this to a person, and on top of that, to a person you love, who is defenseless to your strength… is so incredibly fucked.

But yes, we all know this, and yes… you have gone around looking mopey, getting a slap on the wrist by the authorities, and saying things that might be perceived as apologies, but you haven’t done the one thing, I think is best- GO AWAY.

Aren’t you shamed? You have been nationally blasted for beating one of the most beautiful performers in the United States. Don’t you feel like an ass?! You beat your girlfriend in a car… seriously, Chris Brown, you are a low life. 

BUT

You just keep popping up, doncha? I flip on MTV, there you are looking mopey, but not really saying much about the situation. GO AWAY. Then I turn on the radio, and here comes you’re new single… which has nothing to do with redemption, or fixing a deep seated anger problem, or how horrible it is to beat women. Nope, your song is called, “I Can Transform Ya.” Hmmm… 1. You of all people should not be talking about transforming people- after you mangled a beautiful woman’s face. 2. No woman needs any man to transform who they are, even if it is in a positive (ohhh look I got a fancy car) way. Honestly, Chris the only songs I ever want to hear from your sorry ass from now on are songs about how amazing women are, how they deserve to be kissed, hugged, appreciated, and that they are the cradle of life… which you nearly destroyed by BEATING A WOMAN.

Chris, you may have some remorse, but I don’t think you get it. By saying things like, “I’ve never acted this way with a woman before.” Sets the blame on Rihanna…. I don’t give a shit what she did… you hit her, and that shows that you, C.B, are a coward who has no control of your personal emotions.

Now, I hear you have a song about Rihanna on your new album, calling her out,  saying that she’s not the only victim, and how much you still love her. OH MY GOD, are you that insanely ridiculously horribly misguided?!?!? SHE HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH. Oh poor you… you had to go to jail for a hot minute, and people hate you. Well guess what?! You kinda sorta acted like a monster, so you kinda sorta deserve to be treated as such. Her battered picture was uploaded all over the world, and now she has to listen to this song, about how horribly she treated poor you, with the millions of misguided teens who still support you.

I don’t think you’ve suffered enough… you need to understand the gravity of what you did, because I severely think you don’t get it. Without a true, full, honestly admittance of your wrong, and the acknowledgement of your doings- anyone who supports you, condones abuse.

The fact that there is even a discussion of the possibility of you serving your time, and that we as a public should move on… saddens me. You made your fucking bed, now you have to sleep in it.

Do us all a favor… and just GO AWAY

Sincerely,

A woman with self respect.

How the hell does anyone ever complete a novel?!

 I’ve been attempting to write some fiction, and hot damn… shit is hard. I have a basic story, but the sheer volume that it takes to create a body of work is exhausting. I always used to joke that I was a non-fiction writer, because all fiction writers were loony bananas.

The whole “knowing” their characters, letting the story be told “through” them, and that damn bit about crying when a character (they developed out of thin air) is killed off in their novel. That nonsenses seemed like wacky-insanity to me. Kinda like when an actor decides to go so deep in a role, they refuse to break character until filming has wrapped. Nerds gone wild.

But perhaps I was just afraid to dive completely into my own imagination? It could be a freaky mess… or it could be very… wonderbread. Both make me shudder.

Now when I look at books, I can’t help but sit in shock over the amount of work that it takes even for some formulaic romance novel to be developed. Writing… is just so time consuming.

Well, I’m trying… and I’m going to keep trying until something is complete- preferably that will allow for Harry Potter/Twilight type monetary returns.

But it’s not about the money… only the art (phhhfffttt…)