Aug 26

Most kids figure out Santa Claus is not real around the tender age of five, I held on for another three years.

I attribute this to three key points:

1. I was the most gullible kid in the world.

2. I believed everything my parents said to be the holy word of truth.

3. My parent’s uncanny ability to spin lies.

I’m not saying that they are or ever were liars. No… quite the opposite, there isn’t any sugar coating for them. If you look stupid, they’ll let you know. Yet, when a compliment is received, one knows it is truly deserved. In addition to their honesty, both my mother and father were always knee deep in some form of information hunting. I remember spending hours pouring over the encyclopedia with my mother trying to find answers to the multitude of the inane questions that would spout from my mouth on a daily basis. My father constantly would (and still does) lock himself away to devour all the dry non-fiction books about World War II or any other global crisis. Though they weren’t during the greater part of my childhood, it’s no surprise they both went on to become two highly respected educators.

So how was I to know that these two were feeding me a load of crap in between legitimate answers to my non-stop brigade of questions?!

What makes purple: when you mix blue and red. Where do babies come from: after you have sex a sperm combines with an egg to create a baby. Who is Santa Claus: a jolly man who lives in the North Pole, and gives you gifts at Christmas. What is a rainbow: fragments of light bending to create a prism. Who invented the telephone: Alexander Graham Bell. Who left this change under my pillow: the tooth fairy. What is rain: when water vapors condense and become heavy enough to drop to earth.

Hook, Line, and Sinker.

Of course this created a problem, all answers relating to the “magical world” were a thousand times more interesting. So a rapid interrogation would commence:

How does Santa get in if there is no chimney: he has a magic key. Why is there a black Santa at the mall: those are one of his elves dressed up. How does he get everywhere in one night: he freezes time. How come I never hear Santa in the house: he doesn’t come until you’ve fallen asleep.

This task was usually given to my mother, I’m still amazed at her ability to make up so much phony information on the spot. Yet, it should be no surprise…my mother loved playing Santa. In fact, my old ass still gets a present or two from Mr. St. Nick.

Now, my awakening to the lies of the holidays didn’t happen around Christmas, nor did it happen on the play ground from some neglected child turned bully. It occured on a beautiful Easter Sunday.

Suffering from insomnia never really came in handy as a child unless it was during Easter or Christmas. A normal night would include: me falling sleep for a few hours, waking up, staring at some scary clown toy with “x”s for eyes, praying it wouldn’t come to life, then falling back asleep again. On either of these holidays, I would wake up, realize that I had fallen asleep meaning Santa or the Easter Bunny had arrived, go sneak a peak at my goods, then go back to bed, feeling cozy with holiday spirit. This made me the only kid in America who would wake up at 12 noon on Christmas day.

On my 8th Easter, I continued the tradition by waking up in the middle of the night to go sneak a peak at the elaborate basket waiting for me on the dining table. I remember the yellow and orange cellophane and how it shimmered in the early morning light like a treasure for a princess brought from a far away land. I took a moment to soak in the beauty of it all, then turned to pad quietly back to bed. Facing the dining table was a huge window looking out into the grassy common area of our apartment complex. The blinds has been pulled up, and there I saw him in the glow of the dawn.

 He was at least six feet tall.

 He was wearing a vest.

He was yellow.

I, eight year old Nnekay, saw the Easter Bunny. A giant Muppet like rabbit casually walking across the lawn. My eyes expanded as my mouth dropped. I sucked in as much air as my lungs would permit, and I ran back to bed. Hugging my blanket to my chest, I blinked at the ceiling,”Could it be? Of course!” I thought to myself, “Why would it not?!” The rest of the night I burned the memory into my head so I could accurately describe every inch of the bunny to my mother. Finally, the sun slowly rose from the ground, and I could hear some stirring in the living room. I busted in, and couldn’t stop wiggling from all the electrical pulses running through my body in anticipation. My mother exited for my excitement stopped dead when I finally proclaimed, “I SAW HIM!!!! I SAW HIM!! I SAW THE EASTER BUNNY!!!!” She slowly sunk herself down to my level, and touched a fresh chicken pox scar on my face,

“Nnekay… can you describe him?” I painstakingly related every single moment of what had happened a few hours before. With each word her face hardened, grew dark, and tired, “Honey, I need to tell you something,” she said quietly with a sigh. We walked over to the couch… she was newly separated, and now her only daughter was going insane. “I can’t let this go on any longer… you’re getting kinda old for this. Nnekay, there is no such thing as the Easter Bunny… he’s not real… he doesn’t exist.”

“nooo…” a quick gasp escaped from my lips.

“Yes. Santa isn’t real, the tooth fairy isn’t real. Nnekay, even leprechauns don’t exist. I’m so sorry…” Her eyes weighed heavy, as she looked at me with serious concern. My heart sank low into the well of my gut, and there I felt it break. I didn’t know what to do, so I cried.

With a deep heave of her chest, I could tell my mother’s heart was breaking more than mine.

Aug 24

Contrary to NBC Dateline, the majority of parents out there are fairly decent. They love their kids with all their heart, and strive to create a good environment for them to thrive in.

Then why must we lead them towards one of the first and biggest disappointments of their little lives.

Santa Claus.

Oh that red jolly lie that haunts children from before they can even form a semblance of a cohesive thought in their tiny developing brains. Really, it’s cruel.

We pump kids up with the belief that some magical being is floating around with only one purpose in life- to give gifts to good little boys and girls. The buck doesn’t stop there either: The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns, hell… we’ve been known to throw in a renegade gingerbread man on occasion.

Most of these “fantasy lies” have connections with Christianity… which was fused together with Paganism to easily convince woodland humans to go nuts for Jesus. What do rabbits and eggs have in common with the rise of Christ? Well, spring after winter… rebirth…fertility… rabbits like sex…eggs are babies… one thing leads to the next and you got a clucking bunny hawking chocolate cream filled eggs on TV.

One things that Paganism and Christianity both had in common back in the day, was the lack of scientific explanation. Let’s say your kid some how wandered out of your hut and fell down a well. You couldn’t call your local CSI team to analylize infant foot prints. Nope, you would do the next best option: blame it on baby hungry fairies. For some reason, these fairies, and other mystical creatures stuck- especially with the Christian faith here in America. I don’t get it, other religions have managed to rid themselves of these myths…it’s not like you hear about a Passover Goose who’s come to bring you a magical matzo.

Yet, that’s just the start…. oh no… it takes a whole country, filled with various religions and ethnicities to perpetuate and expand celebrations like Christmas to the level that it is now. Having grown up in the Bay Area, I’ve known multitudes of families who were not Christian, but at least had a little side set up for Christmas. Why? The kids like it.

And they do… but only because we told them too. Getting free gifts, and living in a land where there is magic and possibility for anything is… well…RAD.

If I could go back to believing a fairy would give me some loose change for a molar, I would jump at it. Why? Because little magic mysteries add shine to the world. Honestly, I know that I couldn’t function as a legitimate adult if I believed that there literally was a pot of gold chilln’ at the end of every rainbow, but to think that there was a time, that I strongly deep down within my inner core believed that it could be possible… kinda makes me smile.

So yes, lying to your children is wrong, but  letting them experience a little bit of fantasy… I guess makes it alright.

Aug 10

“Well, Nnekay… you’re all set.”

“Thhan yuuu…” I tried to smile, but as my right side completed the curve, the left stopped halfway up and refused to go any further. Wondering what I would do with my defective mouth, I decided to avoid talking to anyone by completing solitary chores.

Grocery Shopping; it was active, I was around people, and if I happened to run into someone I knew, I could just quickly wave and move on. “Genius,” I thought to myself, and tried to control my tongue from poking out of the left corner of my mouth.

I’ve never noticed how much I actually smile at people, until I entered Safeway and desperately attempted to maintain a stern face to hide my lopsided grill. Not wanting to look like a degraded loony, I tried to serenely “smile with my eyes.” This did not end up well. Judging by the reactions, I must have been staring wide-eyed at every passing person who nodded or gave me some form of greeting. I finally gave up and just attended to the task at hand, keeping my eyes to the linoleum.

After about 45 minutes of wandering different aisle, I found myself prodding tomatoes and finally decided to look up and see who else was in my vicinity. Across the way, I was met with a familiar face, Ms. R, my 7th grade English teacher. This is the problem with living in the town you grew up in, different fragments of your past tend to revisit you in the most unexpected moments. Usually I avoid these moments at all cost, but I liked Ms. R, and I thought she very clearly liked me. I know this, because about ten years previously I ran into her. She gave me a huge hug, told me she thought that I was one of her best students, and knew that I would go far in my future. I enjoyed Ms. R, because she wore clear jellie platforms and leather skirts to class. She was unabashedly in her 40s, talked with an affluent accent (’faaaaather, I waaaant a poooony’),and always seemed like she was one martini deep. The fact this lady thought that I was cool was very exciting to a 16 year old. During this initial meeting, I was informed that she had given up teaching and entered the world of real estate, which I thought suited her better anyway. We chatted for a while, she told me that I was beautiful, and we parted ways. I felt like one of her close lady friends, and quickly paged my friends to gossip about my mature woman moment with Ms. R.

Excited to see one of my favorite teachers, I waved happily with my lopsided smile as she flagged me down. As I approached she grabbed my wrist and pulled me in for two air cheek kisses… which I thought was weird, but I figured… hell she’s kinda fancy… no biggie. I started to say hello, but she help up a finger and pointed to her blue tooth. I nodded as she continued to talk lively on the phone. Realizing my mouth was in no condition for a ten year reunion, I attempted to walk away to finish prodding the tomatoes. A few seconds later, she effervescently bounded next to me and asked how I was doing. I managed to squeeze out, “guud.” To which she wildly flailed her arms and exclaimed,

“Faaabulous! Darling, how’s the new place?!” Having just moved into a new duplex, pretty much all of my conversations this past month have started like this so with out missing a beat I replied,

“Ohh, greeaht… I reely ike ith…” Then I thought… how the hell does she know I moved into a new place?

“Wooonderful, I knew you would love that place, it’s such a perfect fit.” She continued, I paused and replied with a very cautious,

“Yeeaa…” We both sorta waited for a second, and stared at each other. At this moment I should have said something about how I was in her 7th grade class, but I could barely keep my tongue in my mouth so I just tried to keep a pleasant look on my face.

“And when the fog clears, I bet you have the best view…” This time Ms. R was not as enthusiastic as she once was, as she eyed me heavily. I thought for a quick second that she might have magically known that I moved… I dunno real estate agents seen like the gossipy type. But with that comment, I KNEW she had mistaken me for someone else because as much as I love my new duplex, the view is shit. Yet for some reason I kept playing along,

“Yeeaa its nice… um I got mouf wor dun… can’t reely talk.”

With that we slowly edged away from each other, saying our good-byes, me The Impostor and her The Confused.

Aug 9

After what seemed like hours of hacking, chipping, and suction of spittle. I was informed, that I only had one cavity.

WHAT?!

Of course I was happy, but being healthy when you thought you weren’t is merely a blessing in disguise. Yeah, you’re in good shape… but you’re also a crazy hypochondriac. Expelling the multitude of bloody gauze strips from my mouth, I proclaimed, “Then WHY is it so hard to eat sweets and cold food?!”

“You grind,” my dentist deadpanned. And no, not just a mild grit when angry, I pulverize my teeth, to the point of fractures and permanent enamel loss in all four of my canines.

Prescription toothpaste, sensodyne, and a four hundred-eighty-seven dollar mouth guard later, I was told to come back in a few days to get my cavity filled. I started to think being a crazy hypochondriac wasn’t half bad.

I despise Novocaine… there is something about not knowing where your face is that bothers me. So of course I was dreading having the whole top side of my mouth disappear. Once I arrived, I was promptly shuttled into the tiny exam room and plopped into the giant space chair. I tried to relax myself for more prodding and chipping at my face. A bubbly assistant came in and informed me that I could watch a movie while the doctor would be hacking at my tooth. Looking at the list, I silently wondered why any one would want to watch a comedy- laughing with a drill in your mouth sounds like a hazard. So I picked the calmest thing I could find, Planet Earth. I asked the assistant if she could play The Oceans… silently gliding fish sounded like a nice visual to escape my torture. She started the movie, and I noticed that we weren’t in the deep sea, but rather travelling over the tops of a fresh green pine forest. Okay… forest… I could handle furry woodland creatures. 

My dentist entered…sporting a faux hawk, magnified glasses, and a surgical mask.

1. This was scary.

2. Faux hawks aren’t meant for the over 35 sect.

Going through the normal pleasantries with a man who’s face is basically hidden from sight is strange. It’s also rather bizarre when, said man with hidden face and faux hawk, then reaches into your mouth.  I was pretty excited that he used a numbing jell before he stuck the comically large syringe filled with Novocaine into my cheek. Really, does it have to be the size of my forearm?! When he approached my face with the dagger, I quickly shifted my vision to the television screen. There I found a pleasant badger galloping through a snowy forest. I mellowed slightly as the fuzzy black creature tumbled around absently through different wooded paths. 

“Can you feel the prick?” The dentist asked as I felt a sharp jolt in the corner of my upper left cheek.

“Yessh…” I slurred. The badger stopped short in it’s tracks to find a dead caribou. The camera slowly panned the stiff beast and landed straight on it’s open vacant eyes. Horrified, I looked away to find the sight gag of a needle plunged into my mouth.

“Can you feel the pick, now?” Continued the dentist with another sharp jab in my face.

“Yeesssshh…” my words slurred even more as he shook my cheek to help quicken the numbing process.  The badger quickly grabbed hold of one of the front legs of the caribou, and began to violently yank at the limb.

This was not relaxing.

It occurred to me that Plant Earth was not majestic when lacking the subdued voice over and soothing sways of new age music. My cheek refused to numb, and this was frustrating the dentist. Finally he decided to just let me sit and allow the Novocaine to work it’s magic.

“Just relax, watch the movie… and I’ll be back in a few minutes to fix your tooth.” While he was gone, I watched two squirrels have sex and an owl feed it’s crossed eyed babies a couple rats.

“Soon this will be over, and I will always floss from here on out,” I thought to myself as I wiped a slow thread of drool from my chin.

Aug 8

Just read this article in SF gate:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/pets/detail?entry_id=45112

Why must taxidermy come back?! It’s old and weird. My roommate always tells the story of when she spent the night in a friend’s living room which was dripping in mounted animal heads. How is that cozy?! There’s the initial excitement of facing a beast we normally could never come in contact with for fear of losing a finger. Okay I can understand that for about a minute, but to have it’s lifeless body positioned in your living room, just gives me the heebie jeebies.

Would you want to be stuffed and shoved in the corner of some stranger’s house, because of some hip new trendy?

No, because it’s degrading.

Aug 6

So I went to the dentist recently.

 No.

This wasn’t some regulation-clean the teeth and go- visit. Nope. It had been 3 years since I had been to the mouth butcher, and I knew that I was in some deep shit. Through much manipulation, I had managed to stay a student till I was 24, which as many of you out there know, is the dreaded cut off date for student medical insurance coverage. Twenty- five and a student, welp looser looks like you’re out of luck. Sustaining on youth bravado, I had managed to ignore all the key warning signs of tooth decay, only flossing or rising with mouth wash when the feeling of pain snuck up on me while chomping on a large Baby Ruth. This persisted until I reached twenty-six, which is basically the year, all the kiddie shit starts to fall by the way side. Once an avid sugar consumer (we’re talkn’ secret spoonfuls), I would cringe at the though of the possibility of nibbling on a jelly bean. Which is a horrifying thought to someone who used to classify “marshmallows” as her favorite food group. Yet, this was not enough to persuade a starving non-student to bite the bullet and go to the dentist.

This is what pushed me over the edge: I was driving and stopped at a light, noticing that I was shifting my mouth around like some unfortunate hobo, I decided to check out what was bothering my teef. Baring my fangs like a rabid canine, they looked fine in the rear view mirror. Until I saw it… IT being a tiny brown glint peeping from the left corner of my mouth. Absently, I picked at the brown spot and noticed that, no… it was not a stuck piece of food, but decay. Slowly, I pulled the corner of my mouth further away from the tooth to expose a slightly gray molar completely outlined in brown. Just to add salt to my wound, the surrounding gum was bright red. I gasped and covered my mouth.

Had I been going around with tooth rot breath, all these years?!?!

Working in a public library, I had a faced many a mouths in need of dental care… the majority did not smell like fresh jasmine. Terrified of the possibility of having stank mouth, I promptly called my dentist office, and scheduled the next available appointment.