I’ve spent a large portion of my life staring at figurines- no, not because I collect them, God no- but because I some how managed to stumble into the Card and Gift Industry. It’s a dangerous terrain- filled with paper cuts and rambly old ladies. Before I was of age to work, I would drag my unfortunate friends into these fragrant oasis to pursue such intelligent endeavors of deciding which stuffed animal was adorable and sniffing lavender lotion.
So yes, I was heading in the direction towards chatchki hell, but because I was sensible enough to get a job dusting, organizing, polishing, and wrapping these objects I was finally able to realize how much of a waste of space this shit truly is.
There are various types of figurines that completely mystify me, one of which are sassy animal figurines…
Why do the majority of these animal ladies have saggy boobs?! If you’re gonna put boobs on an animal that normally doesn’t have boobs, why make them pancake boobs?!
It’s bad enough when we give them flat boobs, why do we have to make them do things that would be creepy even if humans did them?!
Yet, what’s the point of having a realistic figurine? I mean… just get a pet frog, it looks and does the same thing.
Which brings me to Mystical Figurines….
If I have to explain why this is horrible…
I literally could go on and on, talking about the weird and wondrous world of figurines… I’m surprised there isn’t a website dedicated to the never ending freak show of figurines. My question is: WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE FIGURINES? Do they fill the gap for religious effigies in our secular American culture? I hope not… but the way, that people display, spotlight, and pay such careful attention to these pieces of ceramic one might think that we exist in a culture that worships the mighty god of Creepy Babies
ugh.
